3x1 Alternate Script
by howzitthen
Summary: We all have some idea how Season 3 starts. This isn't it.
1. Chapter 1

****Quick note. This is just an idea I've had for a while about how Season 3 could've started. I only saw well into the process that scripts are frowned upon here. I apologize if anyone objects. That said, considering the material that inspires this particular piece, I think a script is somewhat fitting. Regardless, the formatting was such a hassle that, if I do write anything again, it won't be in this format. It should also be noted that the format itself isn't to the letter, either. I just find it to be a little more palatable to the average reader. I hope anyone who reads it enjoys it. I'm not sure it's really necessary, but I obviously have no affiliation with the show. I don't know if/when this edit will show up, but thanks for the kind words and taking a second out to read this. Thank you much.****

**Jess**

Turn left.

**Nick**

No, I'm going to make three rights.

**Jess**

No, Nick, just turn left.

**Nick**

No, it's slower my way.

**Jess**

Why would you wanna go slower?!

_["__**90 seconds later…" **__appears across the screen__**. **__Ext., night.__Aerial view of what appears to be a large traffic jam. Unmoving cars line the two lane road. We pull into Jess' car, Nick in the driver's seat, Jess riding shotgun.]_

**Nick **

_(Smiling, shaking his head, reluctantly amused)_

Go ahead and say it, Jess. Just go ahead.

**Jess**

_(Feigning ignorance.)_

Say what, Nick?

**Nick**

You were right, I was wrong. I should've just turned left.

**Jess**

I think I see plenty of 'I told you sos' in the future, Nick. No need to waste one on something like this.

**Nick**

_(Nods, smiling to himself)_

Oh now, is that a fact?

**Jess**

Besides, you said you wanted your way to be longer.

_(She gives a tiny salute)_

Mission accomplished.

_(They share a mild laugh.)_

**Nick**

Not exactly what I had in mind, but thanks for understanding.

_(They continue laughing softly until silence takes over. After a brief pause:)_

**Jess**

Hey Nick. Where are we going anyway?

**Nick**

_(Eyes glued to the cars in front of him.)_

Well, judging by our current situation, I'd have to go with 'nowhere'.

(He turns to Jess with a smile, shaking off his frustration.)

But I didn't really have a place in mind. I just wanted to… you know… get away. Somewhere, anywhere. With you. Alone.

**Jess**

_(Smiling, taken aback a bit.)_

I see. Well, this may not be where you had in mind… or didn't have in mind… but I'd say this counts as both 'somewhere' and 'anywhere'.

_(Jess shifts in her seat, leaning towards Nick. He puts his hand on her knee, and she covers it with her own.)_

**Nick**

Well then. I suppose I could…

_(Making air quotes with his free hand) _

…"think" of "something" that we could do in this particular "somewhere" or 'anywhere'.

_(Jess scrunches up her face.)_

**Nick**

Yeah, no, I'll just go ahead and stop that right this second.

_(He turns away, shaking his head, embarrassed.)_

**Jess**

_(Nervously fumbling with Nick's fingers with her own.)_

Hey… do you think we should maybe… I dunno. Talk about some things? Like…. Maybe… this thing?

**Nick**

What, the Volvo? Fine German craftsmanship, Jess.

**Jess**

Think it's Swedish, actually….

**Nick**

_(Continuing)_

How many miles you got on this thing anyway? Still running like a top….

_(Jess blinks, unamused)_

No, okay I get it. You're right. We should talk about this.

_(He looks down at their joined hands.)_

I _want_ to talk about this. I think we should find a quiet place where can sit down and have a nice, honest, long…

**Jess**

Schmidt.

**Nick**

_(Confused.)_

Well, that is just not what I was going to say at all.

**Jess**

_(Looking past Nick and out the driver's window behind him. She sighs and shuts her eyes and nods towards the window.)_

No, Schmidt.

_(Nick slowly turns and looks out his window to see a very flustered Schmidt running towards the car. As Schmidt navigates the stalled vehicles, Nick looks to Jess, then down at their hands. He wrinkles his brow, clenches his face, and nods.)_

**Nick**

Makes sense.

**Schmidt**

Jess! Nick! Thank God! Is it open?

_(He tries the back door, slides in the back seat and shuts the door behind him.)_

**Jess**

_(Sharing a disappointed glance with Nick.)_

Hey, Schmidt. What brings you into the backseat of my car at this _astonishingly_ inopportune time?

**Schmidt**

_(Keeping his head low from the backseat)_

Hey there, Jess. Sup, Nick. I was just, uh, looking for you guys. Didn't really get in that 'quality hang' I was hoping to at the wedding. Crazy day, huh? Say, do you two have any interest in a quick trip to Mexico _(pronounced Meh-ee-co_)?

_(Schmidt reaches forward and pats Nick on the shoulder.)_

Get you one of the woven ponchos you used to like so much, pal. Or, or maybe we could just see what's rolling over at Disneyland? You know it has been ages since I've been on Space Mountain. I dunno, though. Might be kind of late this evening. Maybe we could just take a nice ride up Mulholland. Beautiful night for it, don't…..

_(Nick drops Jess' hands and starts rubbing his temples. She looks at him and frowns as Schmidt continues prattling on in the backseat. She then supportively pats Nick on the arm.)_

**Nick**

(_To himself_)

Yep. Couldn't have just turned left…?

{Cue fake birds and round, batted, blue eyes:

Who's that girl? Etc. }

_[Ext., night. Jess' car, stuck in traffic. Nick and Jess in the front, Schmidt ducking down in the back.]_

**Schmidt**

_(Continuing)_

…or Nick, we could go grab a taco out of one of those woefully unsanitary trucks you love so much. Or Jess, when was the last time…

**Jess**

Hey Schmidt. How 'bout you tell us where you want to go. Where can we take you?

**Nick**

_(Smiling insincerely)_

More importantly, where can we _leave_ you?

**Jess**

What Nick's trying to say is, the two of us, me and Nick that is, we sort of have plans. Like, one on one… stuff.

**Schmidt**

Don't tell me you guys are still on about this nonsense. Because let me tell you, friends do not make good bedfellows.

_(Schmidt stops and looks up, thinking.)_

Well, actually they can make magical, spine tingling, bone bending, toe curling…

**Nick**

_(Cringing)_

Think we got it, Schmidt.

**Schmidt**

This one time with Cece… I literally couldn't taste the difference between salty and savory food for like… three days after…

**Jess**

What happened, Schmidt? And just so we're clear, I mean what happened _tonight_.

**Schmidt**

_(Shifting his eyes, looking uncomfortable.)_

All the things Cece said up there, the stuff about wanting to be with someone else. She said she was talking about me.

**Jess**

She told you this.

**Schmidt**

Yes. And right in front of Elizabeth.

**Jess**

And what did you say? Wait. What did you do?

**Nick**

Clearly he ran.

**Jess**

What? Schmidt! What is wrong with you?

**Schmidt**

I don't know, I panicked. It was a very stressful situation.

**Jess **

And you just left them? Both of them? I have to call Cece.

_(She reaches into her purse to retrieve her phone.)_

Sorry Nick, I…. crap.

_(Jess reads a text from her phone, and looks apologetically at Nick.)_

It's from my Dad. He's at the loft. I totally forgot was supposed to take him to catch his flight tonight.

**Nick**

_(Crestfallen.)_

Excellent news.

**Jess**

I'm sorry, I should really go get him.

_(Looking at Schmidt)_

We can unload him while we're at it.

**Schmidt**

Wait a second, I left Cece and Elizabeth alone together. They could be going at it as we speak. I mean, those are not two ladies that are likely to stand down.

_(A small smile starts to spread over his face as he talks.)_

I can see it now. The yelling the screaming. They'll be at each other's throats. Things could even get physical.

_[Cut to Int. of the wedding venue. Servers and workers are seen cleaning up the mess, clearing off unused table settings. Cece and Elizabeth approach the bar together and take a seat.]_

**Elizabeth**

_(To the bartender)_

Bourbon, straight up.

**Cece**

Vodka Martini, dirty.

**Cece**

(Turning to Elizabeth.)

Scale of 1-10, how surprising is it that he ran?

**Elizabeth**

I'd go an even 3. I drove, so I'm not sure where he thinks he's going.

**Cece**

Well, to be fair, it's not like he saw it coming.

_(Cece purses her lips and looks down.)_

I really am sorry, Elizabeth. This is in no way personal. Obviously, I don't even know you.

**Elizabeth**

It's okay. It's not like you're the one that set Tweedle Dumb and Dumber loose with a badger in the air ducts.

(The bartender arrives with their drinks. Elizabeth fumbles with her purse.)

**Cece**

Don't sweat it. It's already taken care of, remember?

**Elizabeth**

Right. Almost forgot I'm getting in some quality one on one with the happy bride right now.

(Elizabeth raiser her bourbon and quickly slugs it back.)

Now if you'll excuse me…

**Cece**

Look, Elizabeth…

**Elizabeth**

We're good, Cece. I've got no ill will here. But that this isn't something I want to pow wow with you about. Besides, we both know where this is headed.

**Cece**

(Blinks her eyes, surprised.)

I don't know what…

**Elizabeth**

I'm not an idiot. I mean… look at you. And then look at me. I've had a great few weeks with Schmidt, but… we both know who he is choosing. Goodbye, Cece.

_(Elizabeth walks off, leaving Cece to stare at her drink. She gives it a stir, takes a sip, and then slowly pushes it away, disinterested. She gets up and starts to walk the length of the bar. A pair of EMTs hurriedly brush by her.)_

**EMT 1**

Well, that's a first.

**EMT 2**

What, are you new or something?

_(As Cece registers what she just heard, she takes a few more steps before she notices a newly bandaged Winston sitting at the bar. He stands as she approaches.)_

**Cece**

Winston, what happened to…?

**Winston**

Hey, Cece. Bucky bit me. It was pretty touch and go for a while, but the doctors think I'll pull through.

**Cece**

The EMTs had more important things to do?

**Winston**

Yep. That what they said anyway. They were good enough to bandage me up a bit, though the bleeding had mostly stopped by the time they got here. Apparently the mascot for a major college athletic program comes with a full complement of shots and vaccines, so I had nothing to sweat.

(Looking hard at Cece.)

Or do I?

**Cece**

No. Don't get me wrong, I should break you damn nose. But this… this wasn't right. It shouldn't have gotten this far. And that's my fault. If Jess and Nick… and… Bucky... hadn't come crashing down and ended things, I would have.

**Winston**

Well, I'm glad you aren't mad.

**Cece**

Oh I'm plenty mad. This was _so_ not cool.

**Winston**

Well, I'm glad you aren't going to break my nose, then. Look, Cece, for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I don't know why I got caught up in it. I didn't think we'd ever actually succeed in ruining the wedding.

**Cece**

You didn't think dropping a _badger_ on the _priest_ would ruin things?

**Winston**

Yeah, that sounds pretty bad. But I can't properly explain how terrible I am at pranks. My judgment is just way, waaay off.

_(They stand in silence for a moment. Cece looks back towards where she was sitting with Elizabeth, then returns her attention to Winston.)_

**Cece**

Hey, are you going back to the loft?

**Winston**

Probably, yeah. I'm pretty beat. Plus, I'm pretty sure kidnapping Bucky may have some legal implications I hadn't fully considered beforehand.

**Cece**

Did you drive here?

**Winston**

No, I came with Nick and Jess. And something tells me they left together a while ago.

**Cece**

Of course they did. So you need a ride?

_(Winston shrugs and nods)_

Good. We can take my limo.

_[Exterior, loft. We quickly jump to the Int., elevator where we join Jess, Nick, and Schmidt as they head up to the loft. Schmitt furiously presses the button over and over.]_

**Nick**

Think you got it, pal.

**Jess**

Schmidt, do you have to pee or something? What's wrong with you?

**Schmidt**

I just, I gotta change and then… I don't know, just go.

**Nick**

Why?

**Jess **

Go where?

**Schmidt**

They could be coming for me and I need time to think.

_(The elevator pings, the doors open, and they start to get out of the elevator.)_

Even if I knew I wouldn't tell you, Jess, because you'd just tell Cece. And Nick, well, Elizabeth would crack you in seconds.

** Jess**

You're not wrong.

**Nick **

Valid reasoning.

_(Nick grabs Schmidt by the shoulder and looks at him sincerely.)_

Schmidt, you just gotta figure out what it is that you want, and then tell Cece… or Elizabeth… how you feel. It's really pretty simple.

**Jess**

(Coughing.)

Really Nick? Just 'tell her how you feel'? It's 'pretty simple'?

_(Schmidt goes to unlock the door as Jess stares at Nick, somewhat exasperated. Nick is oblivious and confused.)_

**Nick**

Yeah. Seems pretty simple.

_(Jess just shakes her head and roll her eyes.)_

What?

_(Just as Schmidt goes to turn the key, the door flies open from the inside. Bob stands on the other side, having changed from this wedding suit to khakis and a checkered button down.)_

**Bob**

A-ha, there you are. Finally.

_(Schmidt wordlessly squeezes by Bob and rushes off to his room.)_

What's Smith's problem? And where have you been? My flight leaves at Midnight, that's less than two hours!

_(Jess quickly walks into the loft, followed by Bob, both trailed slowly by Nick.)_

**Jess**

Dad, I'm sorry. There was traffic, and we had to pick up Schmidt, and…

**Bob**

_(Turns and stares at Nick.)_

…wait for Animal Control to arrive? Maybe a quick stop to bail this one out of jail?

_(Nick just sighs heavily and looks to the floor. Jess slams her purse on the table by the door, and sternly turns to her father.)_

**Jess**

That's enough, Dad. It's been a long day, and… and we don't have time for this. I'm going to change, and then we can take you to the airport.

**Nick and Bob**

We?!

**Jess**

Yeah, Dad. We. And Nick, we have to finish what we started in the car. Give me two minutes.

_(Jess steps into her room and shuts the door behind her.)_

**Bob**

'What we started in the car'? I think I need to sit down.

**Nick **

Relax, Bob, it's nothing like… whatever you're thinking.

**Bob**

Well thank God for small favors.

**Nick**

Look, I know you don't like me…

**Bob **

It's not that I don't like you, son. I just don't like you for my little girl. I mean two days into this little thing with you and you've got her tumbling out of air vents with a live badger.

_(Nick again looks to the floor as his breathing becomes heavier.)_

You're just no good for her. What are you? 30, 32? She needs somebody with a future. Somebody who she can depend on. Not someone… like you… not someone like me.

_(Nick looks at Bob with a degree of understanding, and exhales slowly and deeply.)_

You are a nice kid, Nick. But you have to do a lot of growing up. And if you think I'm going to let my little girl waste the prime of her life… It's just not happening if I have any say. And if you think I'm gonna go easy on you because you 'mean well' or because we had a few laughs, you can just forget it. If you think I'm going to let up…

**Nick**

_(Stepping up to Bob until they are about a foot apart.)_

Don't you ever let up, Bob. Not ever. Not with me, not with anyone who might come after me.

_(Nick puts his hands to his head and briefly massages his temples with the palms of his hands while backing away.)_

Not good enough? You think I don't know that Bob?

_(Bob raises his eyebrows, intrigued.)_

I work at a bar. I drink in the afternoons… _weekday_ afternoons. I haven't bought a new shirt in over 4 years. I have a degree that is completely going to waste. And I'll bet not one of my friends even know what I majored in. So, yeah. I've gotta grow up. And _you_ can't ever let me forget that.

_(Jess's door open and she steps out having changed from her sari into jeans and a light blue sweater. She senses the awkwardness and her eyes dart back and forth between Nick and Bob.)_

**Jess**

What's going on? Nick?

_(Nick turns to Jess and softly grabs her elbow.)_

Hey Jess, I gotta go. You take your Dad to the airport, and I'll find you later.

**Jess**

Nick? Wait.

**Nick**

No, Jess. It's fine. We're fine. I just… I gotta… I promise, we'll talk. Okay?

**Jess**

Well I don't really have a choice, do I?

_(They look sadly at each other for a moment as Nick slides his hand from her elbow to her hand, grabbing it and giving it a gentle squeeze before smiling and letting go.)_

**Nick**

We will talk. I promise.

_(Nick leaves and shuts the door behind him. Jess stands, stunned, and slowly turns to her dad.)_

**Jess**

Dad? What did you say to him? What did you do?

**Bob**

Jess, nothing! We were just talking. I didn't…

_(Schmidt appears from his room, dressed head to toe in black, carrying a black back pack. He crosses the room and heads for the front door.)_

Schmidt

Okay Jess, I gotta run. I may be gone for a few days. Don't try to find me, because you will fail. I will call when I can. Tell Winston and Nick I love them. God speed.

_(Schmidt exits the apartment.) _

**Bob**

These are your roommates?

**Jess**

Don't change the subject. What happened?

**Bob**

I'm telling you nothing happened. Mostly nothing. Almost nothing.

**Jess**

Dad…

**Bob**

Look, Jess. I don't doubt that Nick is a good guy, and I know he thinks the last thing he would ever, e_ver_ do is hurt you. But, honey, I'm telling you… as someone who knows…. Intentions …they aren't always enough.

_(Jess stares back intently, blinking away the tears that have started to well up in her eyes. She wipes the moisture away with the heel of her hand and picks up her purse from the table.)_

**Jess**

_(Very softly.)_

We should get going. Don't want you to miss your flight.

_(As she turns towards the door, it swings open and Winston walks in, followed by Cece. Jess notes the bandages on Winston's arm, and steps back in surprise.)_

**Jess**

Oh my God, Winston! What happened? Cece, what are you doing here?

**Winston**

Bucky took a bite. I don't like badgers that much anymore.

_(He looks meekly at Cece before turning and walking towards his room.)_

Guess I got what I deserved.

**Jess**

What?

_(Turning to Cece.)_

What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with your family? Getting, you know… the guilt trip of all guilt trips?

**Cece**

As much as I'm looking forward to that, I was hoping to get something settled tonight. I don't suppose Schmidt's around, by any chance?

**Jess**

You just missed him. He didn't say where he was going. I'm sorry.

**Cece**

No need to be. He can't run forever.

_(Turning to Bob and smiling.)_

Sorry for making you come out for nothing, Mr. Day. And sorry you had to dodge a ticked off badger.

**Bob**

I'm sorry too, honey. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?

**Cece**

Thanks, but… I don't think it's something that can be fixed just like that.

_(Cece looks down and notes Bob's bag.)_

You guys going somewhere?

**Jess**

_(Looking at Bob sternly.)_

He's leaving before he does any more damage.

_(Then back to Cece.)_

I'm sorry, we were just out the door. I've got to get him to the airport, tout suite.

**Cece**

Actually, I've got the limo if you guys want to use it? Booked for the night, and I'm not going to be needing it.

**Jess**

Hmm. That might work.

_(She grabs her phone from her purse and starts typing away.)_

Dad, you can take the limo. I'm going to try to find Nick.

**Cece**

Nick's missing?

**Bob**

He's not missing, he just left.

**Jess**

In a hurry, because of Dad.

_(Jess holds the phone to her ear. After a few seconds, and faint ringing comes from the end of the hall. After a few moments, Winston emerges, holding Nick's phone.)_

**Winston**

I... uh…guess I forgot to give this back to him.

**Jess**

Why do you have Nick's phone?

**Winston**

I took it from him in the ducts. It just started ringing, and I sort of panicked.

**Jess**

You were toting a live badger, but a ringing phone made you panic?

**Winston**

Yeah, well, I was in the zone. Nick was having second thoughts. I knew he was never r_eally_ on board with the sabotage. I thought he was trying to stop me. And… I should have let him.

_(Jess and Cece shake their heads. Bob's face falls a little, and he fusses with the handle on his bag.)_

Wait, where is Nick? Why isn't he here with you? And where's Schmidt?

**Jess**

_(Glaring at Bob.)_

Nick left, probably because he got tired of hearing what a loser he is. Schmidt took off, too. Dressed all in black, like he was ready to rob a bank or something.

**Winston**

Been an eventful day, I guess.

**Jess**

Cece, is that offer for the limo still good? Is it just downstairs?

**Cece**

Yeah, but…

**Jess**

Good.

_(Turning to Bob.)_

Well Dad, you'd better get going.

_(Winston and Cece look at each other uncomfortably.)_

**Cece**

Jess…

**Jess**

I know, Cece, I know what you're going to say, but I have to find Nick.

**Bob**

Jess, let's not do it like this. Can't you just take me to the airport? I don't want to leave like this.

**Jess**

Dad…

**Cece**

Jess, he's right. Nick doesn't have his phone anyway. You aren't going to find him if he don't want to be found.

_(Cece puts her arm around Jess and turns her to face Bob.)_

And you do not want to say goodbye like this. When are you two going to see each other again? 6 months? A year?

**Bob**

_(Looks pleadingly at Jess.)_

Come on, kiddo. We can talk about some things. You can… I dunno… ease my mind about Nick.

_(Jess looks reluctant, but she is clearly being swayed.)_

**Cece**

Look, I need to go home and face the music anyway. I'm on the way. We'll all go, you can drop me off, and then go to the airport and… figure things out. Sound good?

**Jess**

I suppose…

**Bob**

_(Relieved.)_

Thank you, Cece. And thank you, Jess.

_(Jess forces a smile, and Bob picks up his bag. Cece gives Jess a side hug as the all exit the loft, leaving Winston behind.)_

**Winston**

Rob a bank, eh?

_[Ext., roof of the loft. Winston comes through the door and starts looking about.]_

**Winston**

Schmidt? Hey, Schmidt. I know you're up here. Everyone's gone now, it's just you and me. You can come out now.

**Schmidt**

_(Still unseen by Winston.)_

For God's sake, Winston, keep your voice down. _It_ will hear you.

**Winston**

Look, Schmidt, it can hear you, too. And it can see you. Dammit, Schmidt, cats can see in the dark. It's kind of their thing, you aren't fooling anybody.

_(Schmidt emerges from the shadows.)_

**Schmidt**

Wait, what? They can? We need to get out of here then.

_(Schmidt quickly moves towards Winston on the way to the door. Winston grabs his arm and stops him.)_

**Winston**

Schmidt, calm down. It's just a cat. It's harmless.

**Schmidt**

You don't know that, Winston. You don't know that at all. He's out there, watching us with his night vision superpowers. We've got to go, Winston!

**Winston**

How long you been up here, man?

**Schmidt**

I can't say for sure. At least a couple hours probably.

**Winston**

It's not even 11 Schmidt.

**Schmidt**

Well then, you see…. Wait, what?

_(Schmidt checks his watch.)_

I've only been up here… 22 minutes. Man. Time flies when it's just you and your wits vs. nature and all manner of her unknown beasts.

**Winston**

Stop it. Just stop. It's a cat. This time of night, he'd probably just out rummaging for food. Maybe even chasing a little tail. He ain't worried about you.

**Schmidt**

You think?

_(Winston lets go of Schmidt's arm, sensing he has relaxed some.)_

**Winston**

Yeah, Schmidt. I think.

**Schmidt**

Since when do you know so much about cats?

**Winston**

Daisy has one. Cute little guy.

**Schmidt**

Oh yeah?

**Winston**

Yeah. Though, sometimes he just stares at me.

**Schmidt **

Stares at you doing what?

**Winston**

Nothing, man. Absolutely nothing. He just stares.

**Schmidt**

_(Making a disgusted face.)_

Eesh. That's creepy.

**Winston**

Yeah… yeah. It is kind of creepy.

_(Shaking his head.)_

Anyway Schmidt. You wanna talk about it.

**Schmidt**

I don't know.

**Winston**

Might make you feel better? Get some things off your chest?

**Schmidt**

I just don't know.

**Winston**

Well, if you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to.

**Schmidt **

I'm saying, Winston, I don't know.

**Winston**

No pressure, man. You don't have to divulge your master plan. Just thought it might make you feel a little…

**Schmidt**

You're not hearing me. I… don't…know. I honestly don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do, and I don't know who I'm going to choose. I just… don't know.

**Winston**

_(Taking Schmidt in with a look of understanding.)_

Okay. I hear you. You don't have to make up your mind tonight. But you know I'm here if you need to talk.

_(Winston slaps Schmidt on the shoulder, and Schmidt reciprocates.)_

**Schmidt**

Thanks, man.

**Winston**

Hey listen, it's gonna get cold pretty soon. What say we just go downstairs and… I dunno… not think about anything? Maybe fire up a little Tony Hawk or something.

**Schmidt**

What, is it 1999?

_(They continue bickering as they enter the building and the door closes behind them.) _

_[We see a limo parked in a line of cars at the airport under a sign that reads 'Departures'. Bob and Jess emerge and stand by the limo.]_

**Bob**

Well, Jess. It was… fun?

_(Jess just stares.)_

**Bob**

You can't stay mad at me forever. I could feel you starting to soften on the ride over.

**Jess**

That was just the complimentary champagne talking. Didn't want it to go to waste… like the rest of this night.

**Bob**

Guess I'll take what I can get.

_(Bob sighs deeply, and goes to say something, and then stops, pauses and speaks.)_

Look, Jess. I wish I could trust him, I do. But I just know how I was at his age, and I'm just not sure he's ready.

**Jess**

Okay, Dad. You've made your opinion very clear. Have a safe trip.

_(Jess turns to get into the limo.)_

**Bob**

Jess, wait. I wasn't done.

_(Jess stop, turns, and looks expectantly at Bob, arms folded.)_

He might not be… exactly be like me. It's possible he's… thinking about the things he needs to be thinking about. And maybe he's closer than I thought. And besides, even if I can't bring myself to trust him with my little girl's heart just yet… I _can_ trust my little girl to take care of herself.

_(Jess begrudgingly tries to hide a small smile that escapes.)_

And while he will never be good enough for you, I guess I have to just get used to the fact that nobody will be. Ever. Not in my eyes.

_(Jess sighs, and goes to give Bob a hug. They hug for a good while, both of them obviously relieved.)_

**Bob**

And besides, look how wrong I was about Wilson. To think, he was the mastermind behind the whole Badger-bombing.

_(They both laugh as they break their embrace.)_

**Jess**

You should go, you'll be late.

**Bob**

I'm going, I'm going. I know you've got places to be…

_(Bob picks up his bag.)_

…people to find… Listen, Jess. When you see Nick, tell him… tell him what we talked about earlier… he doesn't have to worry. I'm never going to stop.

**Jess**

What?

**Bob**

He'll know what I mean. I love you, honey. You take care of yourself.

**Jess**

I love you too, Dad.

_(Jess watches Bob enter the airport before she gets back into the limo. She shuts the door and exhales. The driver, an older white haired man of a kindly disposition, glances in the mirror.)_

**Driver**

Where to now, young lady?

**Jess**

Oh, just back to the loft I guess.

**Driver**

Yes, ma'am.

_(Jess sniffs and slouches further into her seat. She reaches for her purse and retrieves her phone. She pulls it out and sees she has a message. She looks at the message, and we see what she sees: _

_Unknown Caller:_

_It's Nick, I'll be at the bar until I hear from you..._

_(Jess cracks a smile and puts her phone away. She sits up and waves to the driver.)_

**Jess**

Change of plans, good sir.

_[Ext. Nick's bar, we see the limo drive away. We go inside where the bar is still mostly dark, just a few track lights turned on. Jess enters as Nick approaches. He has taken off his tie and further loosened his shirt.]_

**Nick**

_(Cautiously.)_

Hey.

**Jess**

Hey.

**Nick**

Glad you got my message. Winston's got my phone I think. There were a few phones in the lost and found, but most of them were dead. The one I used was almost dead, too. Wasn't sure the message would get to you.

**Jess**

Well, it did. Here I am.

**Nick**

Here you are.

**Jess **

And why am I here, exactly?

**Nick**

Because _here_ I can do _this._

_(Nick walks past Jess, pulls a set of keys from his pocket and locks the door.)_

**Nick**

See. Now it's just you and me. No idiot roommates, no interruptions…

**Jess**

No nosy Dads… Nick… you know I don't care what he thinks, right? You know what he thinks of you, and what I think of you…. They just aren't the same. I mean, he doesn't know you. I know you.

_(Jess smiles and takes Nick's hands. He smiles back and guides her towards a round booth where he has a glass of pink wine and a bottle of beer waiting for them.)_

**Nick**

Interest you in a nightcap?

**Jess**

Sounds lovely.

_(Out of habit, they sit with a good deal of space between them. After a moment they smile knowingly at each other and scoot towards the middle of the booth until they are hip to hip. They each pick up their drink.)_

**Jess**

Here's to being alone.

**Nick**

I'll drink to that.

_(They clink glasses and take a sip. The set their drinks down and Jess smiles, reaches up and caresses the back of Nick's neck.)_

**Nick**

So. What should we do?

**Jess**

Oh, I could think of a few things.

_(Jess smiles sweetly at Nick. A wave of relief washes over his face as she holds his head in place and slowly lifts her head towards his and gives him a single, sweet, slow kiss. They separate and smile at each other before she shifts her positioning. Nick lifts his arm as she settle into the crook, resting her head on his shoulder. They sit silently for a moment, clearly content, but clearly tired.)_

Nick

So… this feels good.

**Jess**

This feels really good.

**Nick**

Jess, do you still want to… talk about things.

**Jess**

Well, I think we probably should…

**Nick**

But…?

**Jess**

But… it's almost 2, and it's been a long, long day.

**Nick **

I hear ya.

_(They pause for a few moments. Jess snuggles into Nick even further before reluctantly sitting up and turning to face him.)_

**Jess**

I've got an idea.

**Nick **

What's that?

**Jess**

One question each. Honest answers only, and 'I don't know' is not a valid response.

_(Nick mulls it over for a moment.)_

**Nick**

Okay, Jess. Let's do it. Who goes first?

**Jess**

Well, Nick, don't you think a little chivalry might be in order at this time of night?

**Nick**

Chivalry? Quit making ups words, Jess.

_(Jess blinks, not biting.)_

Right, right. You're right. Shoot, Jess. Anything you want to know.

_(Jess nibbles her lip and squints her eyes, thinking.)_

**Jess**

Okay, Nick. Here it goes…. Why… why did…. Why did you… kiss me that night?

_(Nick shifts uncomfortably in his seat and takes a sip of his beer. He takes a long drink and clears his throat.)_

**Nick**

I forget, will you or won't you accept 'I don't know' as an answer?

_(Jess sighs, unamused.)_

What? I'm joking. But… only kind of. See, at the time, I didn't know. Or at least I didn't think I knew. You know?

**Jess**

Nick.

**Nick**

Look, Jess. You were with Sam. I swear, I didn't have any designs on you.

**Jess**

Designs?

**Nick**

Yeah, designs. It's a…

_(Shaking his head.)_

Look, after we got behind the curtain and I started to think about kissing you… well… I started to think about it, you know? And then we had… that moment. You remember? Right before Sam showed up?

**Jess**

_(Nods slowly, looking down.)_

I remember. I was there.

**Nick**

Yeah. Well, that's when I realized I wanted to kiss you. It's when I realized I'd probably wanted to kiss you for some time.

_(Jess can't stifle a bashful smile that spreads across her face. Nick laughs nervously, yet relieved.)_

But I didn't want it to be part of some game. I wanted it to… I dunno… count. To mean something. To be something that you would… you know… remember.

_(A genuine laugh escapes Jess.)_

**Jess**

Well, job well done, Nick.

**Nick**

And… I know it was wrong, and I know it wasn't fair of me, and it really could've blown up in our faces. But I don't regret it. Not for a second.

**Jess**

_(Jess takes a deep breath, and looks up at Nick, wide eyed.)_

Neither do I.

_(Jess returns to the crook of Nick's arm and begins to settle in again, her head on his shoulder.)_

**Nick**

Well, I guess I know that now. And who could blame you. I mean… it was a hell of a kiss. Some of my finest work.

_(Jess just sits silently with her head resting on Nick's shoulder. Her eyelids are getting heavy, and, she seems very near sleep.)_

**Nick**

Whoa, whoa. Hey there Sleeping beauty. Don't let you hair down just yet.

**Jess**

You're mixing up your Fairy Tales.

**Nick **

Don't change the subject. What about _my_ question?

**Jess**

Fire away, Nick. I'm an open book.

**Nick**

Jess, how many times have we played True American?

**Jess**

That's your question?

_(Settling deeper into Nick's shoulder.)_

That's a silly question.

**Nick**

That's not… Jess… Why did you hold up two fingers? You knew I was going to hold up two fingers, and you knew I wanted Holly to hold up two fingers. Now, I've seen you drunk before, and you didn't seem that drunk. So what gives? I mean, was it an honest mistake, or was it something… more?

_(Jess' eyes open wide, suddenly alert. After a moment, she straightens up and looks Nick in the eye.)_

**Jess**

I dunno, Nick. I…

**Nick**

We said no 'I don't knows'.

**Jess**

Okay, Nick. Fine. It was something more.

**Nick **

Go on.

**Jess**

Look, I was happy with Sam. Or at least… I thought I was. So it wasn't just some Junior High attempt to get you to kiss me.

_(Mild disappointment crosses Nick's face and he takes a long sip of his beer.)_

**Jess**

But…

**Nick**

_(Eagerly.)_

But?

**Jess**

But… I guess I just…it happened really fast.

**Nick**

_What_ happened, Jess?

**Jess**

I didn't really think about it, I just sort of instinctively put my hand up. But I think it _might've _been because…

**Nick**

Because…?

**Jess**

_(Nervously.)_

Because… I didn't want you kissing her, either. If I'm honest with myself, I haven't really liked the idea of you kissing anybody… for a while now. And this time, I guess I had an opportunity to… I dunno… Stop it.

_(Nick's expression changes from surprise to understanding. Jess is clearly pleased with his reaction, and she sighs, at ease. They sit silently for a few moments, looking at each other. Nick breaks the silence with a shrug and a laugh.)_

**Nick**

Well, then. Good talk!

_(Jess laughs and takes a sip of her wine.)_

**Jess**

Good talk.

_(Jess stretches her neck and yawns. She then takes Nick's hand, holds it to her chest, and snuggles into his arm again. Nick leans down and kisses her head, taking a moment to smell her hair before resting his chin on her head. Jess' eyelids get heavy again. She speaks softly.)_

**Jess **

We should probably get going, huh. It's really late.

**Nick**

It is really late. We should get going. But are you in a hurry to get back to those clowns?

**Jess**

_(Moans softly)_

**Nick**

I mean, Winston might let it go. I don't think he's going to be thrilled about this, but I think he'll leave us alone. Schmidt, on the other hand… I don't think he's going to take it well. He could make things pretty uncomfortable if he wants to. I dunno. Hopefully this little love triangle he's stumbled into will keep him busy for a while. You know, give him something else to focus his energy on. Those gals are going to eat… him… up. Have you gotten a chance to talk to Cece yet? Jess?

_(Nick looks down to see that Jess has fallen asleep. He just smiles and brushes a rogue strand of hair out of her face. He continues to look at her.)_

**Nick**

_(Softly, to himself.)_

I mean…

_(Nick lifts his beer and takes one last swig, finishing it off. He looks at his arm, and Jess. It's clear he's not going anywhere. He eyes Jess' pink wine, and pulls it over with his free hand. He takes a sip, and instantly grimaces. After a moment, he frowns, and goes back for another sip. This time he shrugs his acceptance, and looks back at Jess. This will do.) _


	2. Chapter 2

**Guess we'll call this 3x2. Never really intended to do a second 'chapter' (or episode) but after some folks were kind enough to follow the first, figured I'd give it a shot. Also never intended to get into alternate universe type stuff yet, and since the show is back, this is where this story can't help but head. If you take the time to read this, 1. Thank you, and 2. I hope you like it. Not certain it's necessary, but I have zero affiliation with the show. And I have zero affiliation with anyone who has any affiliation with the show. Thank you again.**

_[Caption across the screen reads "The next morning." Int, Jess' room, morning. Nick and Jess lie in her bed together, sleeping. Her in light yellow pajamas, he in a white t-shirt and navy boxers. Jess lies on her back, and Nick is on his side, facing Jess, who is still buzzing away softly. Nick starts to stir, and his eyes open. As he slowly wakes, a brief look of confusion passes over his face. It quickly settles into a smile as he just stares at Jess for several moments. Suddenly, his face crinkles and he roll his eyes.]_

**Nick**

_(To himself.)_

Go back to sleep, ya creep.

_(Nick rolls onto his back and, after a few moments, does just that. After a few moments, Jess begins squirm. Her eyes flutter open and, after a short pause, she slowly turns to her side to face Nick. After a moment, she loosens her arm from the sheet and gives Nick a soft push with her hand. She quickly shuts her eyes and feigns sleep. Nick doesn't move. She opens her eyes and gives him another nudge, again closing her eyes and pretending to be asleep. Again, nothing. Jess loosens her other arm and this time more energetically uses both fists to drum a quick pattern into Nick's arm. This time, Nick snaps awake as Jess quickly pretends to be asleep. As Nick looks around, confused, Jess pretends to wake up.)_

**Jess**

Nick? Are you already up?

**Nick **

_(Still confused.)_

I… I don't know, really. I think so.

_(Jess continues to play dumb, letting out a yawn, and turning to face Nick.)_

**Jess**

So… how'd you sleep last night?

**Nick**

Before or after we left the bar? Because that booth was fun, but less than accommodating.

**Jess**

_(Smiling brightly.)_

I thought it was just fine.

**Nick**

Well, either way... I like this setup much more. Matching sheets? Pillows without lumps? Slept like a damn baby. And besides….

_(He turns to his side to face Jess before he reaches over and softly caresses her cheek.)_

… now I know what it's like to wake up on the right side of Jessica Day's bed in the morning.

**Jess**

I suppose this is something I could get used to. You know… if I had to.

**Nick**

_(Laughing.)_

Is that a fact? Well… I'm pretty sure I could get used to it too.

_(They lie smiling at each other for a while. Nick slowly starts to lean in before pulling back and shutting his eyes.)_

**Nick**

Hey. What time is it?

_(Jess blindly reaches towards her nightstand and grabs her phone.)_

**Jess**

Umm… just before 9. Nick, what…

**Nick**

I have an idea. Think you can stay put for… two minutes?

_(Nick starts to get out of bed and slowly makes his way toward the door. Jess sits up in bed with a skeptical look on her face.)_

**Jess**

I guess. But…I gotta say…. I'm feeling a bit of déjà vu here.

_(Nick reaches for the doorknob and stops.)_

**Nick**

You did take your dad to the airport, right?

**Jess**

Yeah.

**Nick**

Then we're good.

_(With that he smiles and walks out the door. After a beat, Jess springs up and jumps out of bed. She opens the drawer on her nightstand and quickly rummages through it, not finding what she was looking for. Jess then crosses the room and starts looking through the drawers of her bureau. As she moves from drawer to drawer, she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She stops, groans, and starts to pull at her tangled mop of hair.)_

**Jess **

Oh, come on, man. Every day?

(_She returns to her search, stopping to grab a brush. She runs the brush through her hair with one hand while searching the drawers with the other. At last she pulls a plastic bag from a drawer and empty's the contents on her dresser. From the small bag falls a few containers of Tic Tacs and a bottle of Binaca. As she continues to brush her hair, she taps a few Tic Tacs in her mouth and chews furiously. She dumps several more before picking up the Binaca. She then sprays 6-7 blasts into her mouth. She instantly freezes, dropping the Binaca, which falls to the floor, and her hairbrush, which stays stuck in her hair. She begins waving both hands in front of her mouth as she gasps.) _

**Jess **

Ahagh. .. too much…. Too much….

[_Interior, bathroom. Nick is standing in front of the sink, brushing his teeth. He spits, shuts of the water, and turns to leave. He looks at himself in the mirror before turning the water back on, grabbing the toothpaste and his toothbrush and starting over. As he brushes, he eyes Schmidt's electric groomer. He grabs it, flicks it on, and starts grooming his ears and nose while continuing to brush his teeth. After a minute, he sets the groomer on the sink before lowering his head to once again spit out his toothpaste. As he does so, we see Winston appear in the mirror behind him, horror movie style. He's wearing a grey t-shirt and black sweatpants. Nick stands up to give himself a look, notices Winston, and lets out a cry of surprise.)_

**Nick**

Jesus, Winston. You scared the…

**Winston**

Yeah, I know. I'm terrifying. What are you doing up so early, man? Tidying yourself up for a certain special lady?

**Nick**

Uh... yeah. Jess and I, we were just…

**Winston**

I'm gonna stop you right there.

**Nick **

Fair enough!

**Winston**

So, you two are really going for this, huh?

**Nick**

_(Unable to hide a small smile.)_

Yeah, man. I think we are. And I know you aren't on board, but I think…

**Winston**

Nick. If you guys think this can work… if you make each other happy… how is it my place to say anything?

**Nick**

Thanks, man. Thanks. You know, that's kind of a relief. I though you guys were going to…

**Winston**

Oh, I'm not speaking for Schmidt. Uh-uh. He is dead set against it. Like, violently so. You guys will have to watch your step around him.

**Nick**

Violently? What's his problem? Why is he so against this?

**Winston**

Well, he seems to think… you're going to mess this up. Bad. Real, real bad.

**Nick**

_(Smiling in faux confidence.)_

Mess it up? Well, do tell, when have I ever messed anything up?

**Winston **

Where to start. Well, unless you taught it how to swim, I think you just drowned Schmidt's groomer.

**Nick**

Huh?

_(Winston gestures to the sink and Nick turns to look. At some point, Schmidt's groomer had fallen into the sink and partially plugged the drain, allowing the sink to fill up with water. Nick shuts off the water and removes the groomer. He tries to get it started again to no avail.)_

**Nick**

Well, that's about right. How much you think he paid for this thing?

**Winston**

Can't say, but I'm pretty sure he ordered it off of Sky mall, so I'm going to go ahead and say "way too freaking much".

_[Int, Jess room. She lies in her bed, waiting for Nick as he comes in the door. He shuts the door behind and goes to join her in the bed.]_

**Nick **

Miss me?

**Jess**

You were gone?

**Nick**

Very funny. Just wanted to go, you know, make myself a bit more… presentable. Freshen up a bit.

**Jess**

Oooh.

_(They both smile and lean in for a kiss. After a few seconds, Jess pulls away, and smiles at Nick.) _

Did… did you leave to brush your teeth?

**Nick**

Maybe.

**Jess**

Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Nick.

**Nick **

Now did you do something, too, or do you just naturally wake up tasting like that?

**Jess**

I may have had a little help.

_(She reaches over to her bed stand and produces her plastic bag of breath fresheners.)_

**Nick**

Binaca? I haven't seen that stuff since high school.

**Jess**

I think that might be when it's from, actually. Still packs a wallop, though.

**Nick**

Oh yeah, I'll be the judge of that.

_(They both smile and lean in for another kiss. After a few moments, they again separate and lie there smiling at each other.)_

**Nick**

_(Softly.)_

What does Schmidt know…?

**Jess**

What? Why are we talking about Schmidt? Why are we talking about Schmidt… now?

**Nick**

Well, I ran into Winston in the bathroom and…. Well, do you want the good news or the bad news?

**Jess**

I'm a good news first kinda gal.

**Nick**

Good to know. Well, good news: Winston doesn't seem like he's going to raise a fuss about you and me. Doesn't seem pumped about it, but I don't think he's going to be a problem.

**Jess**

And the bad news?

**Nick**

Schmidt's another story.

**Jess**

Not surprising. What did Winston say?

**Nick **

Nothing too specific, just that we may want to tread lightly around Schmidt for a while. At least until all this Cece/Elizabeth stuff blows over.

**Jess**

_(Looks thoughtful.)_

Hmm.

**Nick**

Hmm?

_(Jess stats to get out of bed.)_

What? Wait. I thought we had this thing going on here. Where are you going?

_(Jess grabs her robe off the door and starts to put it on.)_

**Jess**

Schmidt is not going to get in the way of… this… us. I'm staging a preemptive strike.

**Nick**

Because historically those work so well.

**Jess**

Well, this one will. We are going to kill him with kindness.

**Nick**

Kill him with…no… Jess, just come back to bed. We can just stay here. Not forever or anything, just a few more days. Week or two, tops.

**Jess**

Too late, Nick. My mind's made up.

_(She crosses to the bed, grabs his shirt, and lifts him up to her for a quick kiss.)_

**Nick**

Jess, I just don't know…

_(Jess stops and turns confidently and holds her hands close to her chest. She loosely forms two guns with her hands and lazily points them at Nick.)_

**Jess**

Relax. I got this. I'm going to fix everything.

_[Int, loft Kitchen. Winston sits at the kitchen island, looking over a magazine. Jess stands over the stove, cooking. Nick stands next to her, watching, having slipped an apron over his boxers/t-shirt.]_

**Jess**

_(Gesturing to a high shelf.)_

Nick, can you grab me the nutmeg? It's right up there.

**Nick**

My pleasure.

_(He plucks a bottle from the shelf and hands it to Jess. She takes a look at in and wrinkles her face, confused.]_

**Jess**

Nick, this is paprika.

**Nick**

That's what you wanted, right?

_(Schmidt comes out of his room wearing his typical Sunday fare of khakis and a blue checkered button down. He stops and dramatically rolls his eyes.) _

**Schmidt**

So... what's all this then?

**Winston **

Jess is making waffles. You're gonna want to get in on this, boy.

**Jess**

Blueberry buckwheat waffles with homemade whipped cream, to be exact.

_(To Winston)_

More whipped cream?

**Winston **

You know it.

**Jess**

_(Grabs a bowl of whipped cream and scoops some onto Winston's plate with a spatula.)_

Schmidt, grab yourself a plate while they're still warm.

**Schmidt**

As susceptible to bribery as I usually am, I'm going to have to pass on your carb cakes. Fall is coming and I want to keep things… tight.

**Winston**

More for me…. Gotta say, Jess, if you two getting together mean this Sunday waffle business is going to be a regular thing, I could get on board.

**Jess**

Aw, thanks Winston.

**Schmidt**

_(Mockingly.)_

Aw, then you'll have great seats for when the whole thing crashes and burns.

(Jess stops and stands in silence. Winston hangs his head. Nick remains silent, but his mood clearly shifts. Schmidt walks to the coffee maker and pours himself a cup.)

Me? I think I'd prefer to watch if from afar, safe from the flames, which I'm guessing will be just dazzling.

**Jess**

_(Softly.)_

Schmidt?

**Winston**

Come on, man? Why don't we…

**Schmidt**

Why don't we what? Just pretend we don't all know where this is headed?

**Nick**

Okay, just say what you're going to say, Schmidt. Speak your peace so we can get to the part where you just shut the hell up.

**Jess**

Nick…

**Schmidt**

You should listen to your GIRLFRIEND Nick. But since you asked…

**Winston**

Careful, Schmidt.

**Nick **

Go ahead. Let's hear it. What's the big prediction? Enlighten us.

**Schmidt**

Simple. This ends with you messing it up. How else could it end?

_(Winston hangs his head, Jess breathes deeply, and Nick just stands quietly. Jess' phone ringing breaks the silence, but nobody moves. After 4 rings, Jess finally picks up the phone off the island.)_

**Jess**

It's Cece. Hey, Cece. What? No, I can talk. Let me just…

_(Jess quickly walks toward her room and shuts the door. The guys stand silently for quite some time.)_

**Nick**

Okay, you've had your fun. So now you can keep it to yourself.

**Schmidt**

And why should I keep this to myself? This affects me, after all. Winston, too.

**Winston**

Hey, this is your thing man. I'm Switzerland.

**Schmidt**

Say what you want, but you know this involves you too.

**Nick **

Look, how about you figure out your own business before you start butting into mine.

**Schmidt**

Oh?

**Nick**

Yeah. Gee, I wonder what Cece's talking to Jess about right now. Where are you on that one, Schmidt? Maybe you should worry about that before taking shots at me and Jess.

**Schmidt**

Over the line. That is none…

**Nick **

None of what? My business? You're right! It is none of my business! Just like me and Jess are none of yours.

**Schmidt**

But that's where you're wrong, Nick. It is my business. What is so hard to see about that?

_(Again silence takes the room for a few long moments while they wait for Schmidt to continue.)_

When you mess this up… and you will mess this up…what do you think is going to happen? You two just go back to living 4 feet across the hall from each other? No chance that works. The first time she brings home some dorky teacher or another rich, handsome doctor, how are you going to react? Well? You'll end up cocooning yourself in your room, listening to Simon and Garfunkel, and you'll only come out for bathroom breaks and to get more beer. And who gets to deal with that for the 6-8 months it takes you to recover? Schmidt and Winston, that's who. And let's face it, do you think Jess is going to want to live like that? Her creepy ex living across the hall? Please. She'll move out, and we'll help you pick up the pieces. Sure, we'll try to remain friends with her. At first, anyway. But you won't be able to handle it, so inevitably we'll start seeing her less and less until one day, we just stop seeing her altogether. The last thing we'll get from her is a save the date from her and her future husband. But Winston and I won't even go to the wedding, because we know how much that would hurt you. You see it now, don't you? You guys mess this up, and that's it. It's not just the end of you and Jess. It's the end of us and Jess, too.

**Nick**

_(Takes a moment to gather himself. When he starts talking, he's practically yelling.) _

You think I don't know that, Schmidt? You think I don't realize what's at stake? You don't need to tell me how badly this whole thing could blow up in my face. You think I don't know this could end in me losing Jess completely?

_(Nick stops talking as Winston and Schmidt's gazes move past Nick and into the hallway. Nick slowly turns to see Jess, now dressed in jeans and a light green blouse, standing, stunned. Her eyes are edged with tears as she breathes in deeply.)_

**Jess**

I… uh… I'm going to meet Cece. I haven't seen her since…. Well… since a lot…

**Nick**

_(Softly)_

Jess, I didn't…

**Jess **

_(Forcing a smile.)_

Nick, it's fine.

_(She grabs his elbow and leads him to the door.)_

Here, come outside for a second.

_(Nick looks down and follows her into the hallway, closing the door behind her.)_

**Nick**

Hey, Jess. Listen, I…

**Jess**

Nick, look. It's not like I haven't thought about the… you know… consequences here. It's just, thinking about them in my head… and then hearing you say it. It… it just wasn't very fun to hear.

**Nick**

Well it really, really wasn't fun to say.

_(They look at each other and smile.)_

Is this something we should talk about? I mean, do you think…

**Jess**

I dunno. Maybe? But I really do have to go meet Cece. So much going on, I haven't really gotten a chance to talk to her.

**Nick**

Right, go. You go. Um… I have go into work for a bit tonight. I've got early outs, so I shouldn't be too late. Midnight or so. If you want to talk, you know where to find me.

**Jess**

Thanks, Nick.

_(Jess turns to head towards the elevator. After a moment, she turns back, place her hand on Nick's shoulder, bounces up on her toes, and gives him a quick kiss.)_

**Jess **

See you tonight.

**Nick **

See ya.

_(Nick watches as Jess goes to the elevator and pushes the button. He waits until she gets in, giving her a smile and a wave before heading back into the loft.)_

_ [Int., a sparsely crowded Ice Cream Shop. Cece and Jess sit across from each other at a small table covered with a bright yellow table cloth. Cece looks a little tired, wearing a grey sweatshirt and black pants, sunglasses set atop her head. They sit splitting an enormous banana split.]_

**Cece**

So he hasn't said anything?

**Jess**

Sorry. He hasn't said a word. Well, not about you guys anyway.

_(Cece raises her eyebrows. Jess just shakes her off.)_

Have you tried calling him?

**Cece**

No. I was waiting to hear from him, one way or the other. I sort of left him with an ultimatum. Well, _we_ sort of left him with an ultimatum.

**Jess**

An ultimatum? You left Schmidt with an ultimatum and expected him to… what? Handle it well?

**Cece**

When you spell it out like that... He did sort of… run away as fast as he could when we told him he had to choose.

**Jess**

I mean, none of my roommates are particularly cool under pressure. But Schmidt may take the cake

_(Cece sighs as Jess takes a large spoonful of ice cream.)_

**Cece**

Did I do the right thing? I mean, obviously not marrying Shivrang was the right thing to do. Or not do. But maybe… I don't know… maybe I should be alone for a while?

**Jess**

I don't think I can tell you that, Cece. You're just going to have to do what feels right. Trust yourself to do what's best for you, you know?

**Cece**

But it's not exactly my decision, is it?

**Jess**

Well. It's partly your decision. And I bet you have some influence on Schmidt's decision one way or another.

**Cece**

Maybe.

(_Cece shakes her head as Jess takes another heaping spoonful of ice cream.)_

Okay, Jess. Enough of my drama. Why are you hoovering all the ice cream?

**Jess**

I'm not hoovering.

**Cece**

I've had, like, two bites.

**Jess**

You've been talking. I've been listening. It's just easier to eat when you're not flapping your gums.

_(Cece raises her eyebrows as Jess smiles apologetically.)_

**Cece**

You may have a point. Let me try it this way: how are things with… Nick?

_(Jess exhales and stabs her spoon into the ice cream.)_

**Jess**

Things are actually pretty great. You know, give or take.

**Cece**

Go on.

**Jess**

I don't know. There's just been this thing between us. It's been there for a while now.

**Cece**

_(Sarcastically.)_

You don't say.

**Jess**

What… wait… what's that supposed to mean?

_(Cece smiles back and takes a small bite of ice cream.)_

**Cece**

It means,"Duh there's 'this thing' between you guys." Anyone with two eyes and mostly functioning brain cells could have seen that.

**Jess**

What do you mean?

**Cece**

Come on, Jess. The way he looks at you, the way you guys always take care of each other. The way he kisses you in the wee hours of the morning and takes your breath away.

**Jess**

It was a doozy.

**Cece**

But it started before that. I was there. I saw it.

**Jess**

Well, you must've been the only one. If Schmidt or Winston saw anything on the radar, they would've pitched a fit. They didn't notice.

**Cece**

Boys! Stupid boys! You live with stupid, silly boys!

_(Jess erupts into laughter as Cece smiles on.)_

**Jess**

They are all kinds of stupid aren't they? But why didn't I notice what was happening?

**Cece**

Hmm. Maybe they're starting to rub off on you?

**Jess**

Hey.

**Cece**

I kid. But, Jess, one thing I've learned? Denial is a powerful tool. Whether you use it right or not, it's powerful.

**Jess**

Maybe you're right.

**Cece**

Naturally.

**Jess**

I mean, this doesn't feel weird at all. It's only been a couple of days, and everything just feels so…

**Cece**

_(Smiling.)_

Gotcha.

_(Jess blushes and goes back for another bite of ice cream.)_

So what's with the dairy purge, then?

**Jess**

What, there's fruit in here.

**Cece**

Fine, the dairy potassium purge. What gives?

**Jess**

There was a bit of a… to do… back at the loft before I came here.

**Cece **

What kind of to do?

**Jess**

Well, Schmidt is just… not on board right now.

**Cece**

And?

Jess

There was an argument, and some things were said.

**Cece**

Like?

**Jess**

Long story short? If things end badly between us… it could be bad. Like, really, really bad.

_(The smile falls from Cece's face as she looks intently at Jess.)_

**Cece**

That's a possibility.

**Jess**

I don't know, Cece. Nick is just so important to me. They all are. I don't want to lose them. If things don't work out…

_(Jess stops talking long enough to scoop another bite of ice cream, her eyes welling up a bit again.)_

**Cece**

I know.

**Jess**

And to make it worse, when things do go wrong… when I lost my job, when things ended with Paul, when Sam rejected me… who was there to pick me up?

**Cece**

Nick?

**Jess**

Nick.

**Cece **

And if things don't work out… you guys probably won't be there to help each other pick up the pieces.

**Jess**

_(Sullenly.)_

Right.

_(The girls are silent for a moment, as they just sit looking at each other.)_

**Cece**

Well, first of all, if things go wrong… big if…. I'll be there to pick up the pieces, and you can count on that.

**Jess**

I know, but…

**Cece**

But Jess, what if things do work out? What if you and Nick… what if it works? Would it be worth the risk? Would it be worth… everything?

_(Jess doesn't speak, but a smile spreads slowly across her face.)_

**Cece**

_(Smiling widely.)_

Well, I think we know where we stand then.

_[Ext., roof of the loft. Night. We see Nick walk through the door wearing a dark blue flannel and Jeans. He steps out onto the roof and sees Jess, bundled up in his grey and red flannel, standing over the table.]_

**Nick**

Jess?

**Jess**

You made it. I didn't think I was going to be able to keep everything warm for much longer.

(Nick looks down at the table, where Jess has set up two plates of waffles, a bowl of whipped cream, two glasses of orange juice, and a pair of long candles)

**Nick**

Jess, what is all…

**Jess**

I spent a lot of time on these waffles, and dammit, we're going to enjoy them. Besides, our last midnight breakfast got interrupted.

_(She walks over to Nick, smiling up at him.)_

And I'd say we deserve this, don't you?

**Nick**

You deserve so much, Jess.

_(She steps up to give him a hug and a quick kiss. She breaks the embrace, but moves her hands down to his chest where they linger.)_

**Jess**

Come on, let's sit.

_(Nick sits down and is only a little surprised when Jess ignores the adjacent chair and instead settles into his lap she picks ups two forks and a plate of waffles as she and Nick start digging in...)_

**Nick**

Wow. These are really good, Jess.

**Jess**

Thanks. I like them, too.

**Nick**

Um. Not to ruin the moment… and it is one hell of a moment… but did you want to talk about what happened earlier today?

**Jess**

You mean…

**Nick**

Yeah. What I said.

**Jess**

I guess we could.

_(Jess sets the forks and plate back on the table and looks at Nick.)_

**Nick**

Jess, this could go badly. Let's face it, neither of us have been killing it on the dating field lately.

_(Jess shifts her weight in Nick's lap, but continues listening.)_

And we have a lot to lose here, when you think about it. I mean… Jess…. You mean so much to me. Just… so much.

_(Jess looks down quietly.)_

**Jess**

I know.

**Nick**

After you left today, I went back in to talk to the guys. Well, to talk to Winston. I was just seeing red with Schmidt, so I thought it's be best to keep my distance. But Winston had some things to say, and a lot of it made sense.

**Jess**

Like what?

_(Nick swallows hard and continues.)_

Nick

Mostly just what we've already talked about. How this could blow up, how we're essentially ruining our friendship, blah, blah, blah…

_(Nick swallows again and forces a smile.)_

But then he said something that made a lot of sense. Something that basically cuts straight to the bottom line.

_(Jess closes her eyes and tries to steady her breathing. After Nick doesn't speak for a few moments, she forces herself to speak.)_

**Jess**

What did Winston say?

**Nick**

He said that if we have any doubts about this, any whatsoever… we should stop it before things get too… involved. Before our feelings get too strong, before we reach a point where we just can't go back. Before... before it was too late.

_(The color drains completely from Jess' face and he body goes cold. Her eyes show signs of welling up. Without looking at Nick, she again forces the words to come.)_

**Jess**

And then… what did you say?

_(Nick slowly reaches to her face and pulls her chin so that they were looking eye to eye.)_

**Nick**

I told him… it was already too late.

_(Jess' eyes come alive with understanding and relief.)_

Jess, I don't know about you, but I can't go back. I know it's only been a couple of days, but I just… can't go back.

**Jess**

Aw, Nick! You... you… you… ass!

**Nick**

Full of surprises, Jess.

_(Jess hops off his lap and starts smacking him hard in the shoulder and back repeatedly.)_

**Jess**

That… is not… how you…tell me… that… you ass!

**Nick**

Jess! I got it, I got it! I'm sorry!

**Jess**

I thought you… I thought you were about to call this again. You… you… ass!

**Nick**

OK, Jess, lesson learned. But can you stop hitting me for a minute? Just long enough to let me know…

_(Jess stops hitting him and long enough to hear him out.)_

… let me know if we are on the same page here. Because if we're not, we should probably…

**Jess**

Shut up, Nick! Of course we're on the same page.

_(They stop and silently look at each other as the reality of what they'd just admitted sinks in. After a moment, Jess smiles widely as Nick lets out a laugh. Jess slowly climbs back into Nick's lap.)_

We're on the same page.

_(Nick smiles and laughs to himself, relieved.)_

**Nick**

We're on the same page.

_(Jess takes Nick's head in her hands and pulls him into a long, deep kiss. After they break the kiss, they keep looking at each other blissfully, Jess playing with Nick's hair, Nick rubbing Jess' hips and back. After a long time, Nick breaks the silence.)_

**Nick**

Well, that was easy. Slide me over some of those badass waffles.

**Jess**

Ew, Nick, those have to be cold by now.

**Nick**

Well then slide me the whipped cream. I'm starving.

_(Jess shrugs before obliging. Nick dips his index finger in the whipped cream and licks it clean. Jess watches on, amused.)_

**Jess**

Well, I guess that just leaves one last obstacle.

**Nick**

Schmidt?

**Jess**

Schmidt.

**Nick**

Actually, I've been thinking about that. And I have an idea.

_(Jess looks smiles curiously at Nick.)_

_[Int., loft, the next morning. Jess and Nick stand outside Schmidt's door, Jess in a pair of light blue pajamas, wearing her glasses, Nick in a grey t-shirt and black pajama bottoms. Nick bangs loudly on Schmidt's door.]_

**Nick**

You ready?

**Jess**

We got this.

**Nick**

We totally got this.

_(From inside his room Schmidt yells as he swings open the door.)_

**Schmidt**

What is all the commotion?

**Nick**

Schmidt, we need to talk.

**Jess**

Actually, you need to listen.

**Schmidt**

I will not be talked to…

**Jess**

Shut it, Schmidt. Listen and listen good.

_(Jess takes a breath and calms herself.)_

So, as you've probably guessed, this is happening. Nick and I are happening.

**Schmidt**

Ick, gag me.

**Nick**

You may want to pay attention here, Schmidt.

**Jess**

Well, I'll get straight to it, then. Nick and I are together, which means Nick and I are... 'doing it'.

_(Schmidt visibly flinches.)_

Now we haven't had much occasion to 'do it' so far, but we intend to remedy that soon… and with some regularity.

**Nick**

Yeah, we do!

_(He hold up his hand to Jess, offering her a high five, but she leaves him hanging.)_

**Jess**

Nick, focus.

**Nick**

Right on.

**Jess**

Now it's only been a couple of days, and so far we've kept our… activities… to Nick's room, and only Nick's room.

**Schmidt**

Seriously, guys, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and at this rate I won't be eating again for a week.

**Jess**

Cute. Where was I? Oh right, Nick and I and our 'doing it'. A lot. Obviously we'll be making good use of Nick's room, and even better use of my room. Actually, at some point, we'll probably be spending the vast majority of the time in my room

**Nick**

What?

**Jess**

Huh?

_(Shaking her head.)_

But here's where your interests lie, Schmidt.

**Schmidt**

Please, whatever ends this convo as quickly as possible.

**Jess**

If you tone it down, if you mind your business… we will do our best to confine our… exploits… to our rooms. However…

**Nick**

This is where you really want to listen up, pal.

**Jess**

… if you say ANYTHING, if you do ANYTHING, if you interfere in ANY WAY… well… let's just say we'll start... casting a wider net.

**Schmidt **

You're bluffing.

**Nick**

Feel free to try us, Schmidt. Honestly.

**Jess**

Yeah, feel free. Because there are a lot of places we'd like to try out, right Nick?

**Nick**

The shower…

**Jess**

… the couch…

**Nick**

…the chair…

**Jess**

…. Kitchen table…

_(Schmidt audibly gags.)_

**Nick**

… the island…

**Jess**

… the ottoman...

**Nick**

Oh, good one. The balcony…

**Jess**

… the roof…

**Nick**

…the elevator…

**Jess**

…kitchen counter…

**Nick**

…the floor…

_(Jess shakes her head.)_

Okay, scratch that.

**Jess**

But Nick, where would we go if we wanted to, I don't know, do it on some nice sheets? Like, really nice sheets. Say, 1200 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Wherever would we find some of those?

**Schmidt**

You wouldn't!

**Jess**

Try us.

**Nick**

Yes, please do. I'm begging you.

_(Schmidt just stands wordlessly, stunned...)_

**Jess**

_(Smirking, gleefully.)_

We'll just take your silence to mean you agree to our terms?

_(Schmidt silently nods before turning back into his room and dejectedly closing the door. Nick and Jess quietly but energetically pump their fists before high fiving. Nick puts his arm around Jess and they slowly walk back towards their rooms.)_

**Jess**

Great idea, Nick. I think we bought ourselves some time.

**Nick**

Yeah, I'd say so. I mean, he'll come around eventually. But…

**Jess**

It's nice to have a little breathing room until he does.

_(They reach Nick's door and they turn together to go into his room.)_

**Nick**

_Hey, we're still going to do it in all those places right._

**Jess**

Absolutely. Well...except for Schmidt's room. That just… doesn't do if for me at all.

**Nick **

Good call.

_(They continue bantering inaudibly as Nick closes the door behind him.)_


	3. Chapter 3

**_Okay, wrapping this one up here. Thanks so much again for those who have read this, and especially those who have followed and reviewed. I'm just a little worried that the script format may be a little off-putting for some readers. Plus the title 'Alternate Script' isn't exactly catchy and may not inspire too many folks to check it out. I might write again in a more standard, prose format. This last installment isn't the strongest, either. (I feel the Daisy stuff just doesn't quite land.) But here it is. Call it episode 3, I guess. Again, a sincere thank you for reading._**

_[Int., bar. Nick is standing in a green flannel and jeans with a towel over his shoulder as Winston (in a grey suit with a loosened grey tie) and Jess (in a light blue dress) sit drinking at the bar in front of him. Jess with a glass of Rose in front of her, Winston with a beer. Jess and Nick take note of Winston, who is constantly reaching into his jacket to check his phone.]_

**Jess**

You know, there's a way to set that thing so that it will actually alert you when someone calls.

**Winston**

Hmm?

**Nick**

Go easy, Jess, he's waiting to hear from Daisy. He gets like this.

**Winston**

Like what?

**Nick**

Like a teenage girl waiting for Tommy-the-track-star to call and ask her to homecoming.

**Jess**

Tommy the track...

**Winston**

You guys have your fun, but I can't miss this call. With our conflicting schedules, every minute counts.

_(He again checks his phone, this time leaving it on the bar.)_

She's only going to be in town tonight for about two hours before she has to catch a connecting flight, so we booked a room near LAX. I'm going to go over and be her 'preflight entertainment' if you catch my drift.

_(Nick and Jess stare blankly at Winston.)_

She's going to be having a brief but intense layover in my pants.

_(Nick and Jess continue to stare blankly, blinking occasionally.)_

Because… it's… I'm going to have sex with her.

**Jess**

No, we got it Winston.

**Nick **

Tell us again about the layover. I forget, where was that happening?

_(Just then, Schmidt walks to the bar wearing a well-tailored brown suit. He sets his satchel on the stool anxiously.)_

**Schmidt**

Ok, friends. Tonight's the night. I make my choice. Nick, hit me with the good stuff.

**Nick**

Straight apple liqueur or a shot of Kahlua with an ice cube in it?

**Schmidt**

I don't have time to savor, Nick, just hit me with the liqueur.

_(Nick reaches under the bar to ready Schmidt's drink.)_

Tonight, I make someone's dreams come true. I will choose one of my loves, and make her amongst the happiest in all the land.

**Jess**

Here we go.

**Schmidt**

But it's not all rainbows and roses, friends. For I will also have to shatter the hopes of one of my sweet, sweet loves.

**Nick**

_(Setting down Schmidt's drink.)_

Gleelch!

**Schmidt**

I do not look forward to that.

**Jess **

So, who's it going to be, Schmidt? Are you going to pick Elizabeth, or can we still be friends?

**Schmidt**

Not funny, Jess. Not funny.

**Jess **

Look Schmidt, obviously Cece is my best friend, and I want to see her happy. But this? This is your call. And you have to do what your heart tells you.

**Schmidt**

Thanks, Jess. That really means a lo-

**Jess**

So who are you picking?

**Winston**

Yeah man, who's the lucky lady?

**Schmidt**

No spoilers to this fine theater, folks. A gentleman never tells.

_(Nick and Winston share a glance as Jess looks on.)_

**Winston**

You've got to be kidding

**Nick **

He's not.

**Jess**

What?

**Schmidt**

Whatever to you mean, Winston? Nick?

**Winston**

He hasn't…

**Nick **

Nope.

**Jess**

Care to fill me in?

**Nick**

He's not telling us who he's going to pick because he hasn't decided yet.

**Jess**

What!

_(Turning to Schmidt, eyes wide.)_

Schmidt! What is wrong with you?

**Schmidt**

_(Looking down at his watch.)_

Well, look at the time. Gotta get going. Good talk, friends.

_(Schmidt grabs his bag and hightails it out of the bar. Jess sits, looking dumbfounded as Nick and Winston just hang their head. Jess turns to face them.)_

**Jess**

Can you believe him? A decision like this, and he's just going to wing it?

**Winston**

Actually, yeah.

**Nick**

Yeah, it sounds about right.

**Jess**

It's been two weeks! What is he waiting for?

**Nick**

Schmidt's not real good with decision making.

**Winston**

Especially when it comes to choosing _between_ things.

**Nick**

I think it's part of why he used to be so big.

_[Flashback: A bustling college dining hall. Fat Schmidt sits at the end of a long table, wearing a grey hoodie. There are plates of assorted food placed in front of 5 of the six chairs surrounding him. Mustachioed, college Nick walks up with two slices of pizza on a plate, wearing a tie died shirt, shorts, and a hemp necklace.]_

**Nick **

Oh, hey man. Looks like the table's full, should I try to...

_(Schmidt smiles widely.)_

**Schmidt**

What? It's just me, silly.

_(Schmidt kicks out the chair in front of him.)_

I saved you a spot.

_[Rejoin Nick, Jess, and Winston in the bar.]_

**Nick**

He could never decide on just one entrée. Or side. Or drink. Or dessert.

_(Jess shakes her head in disbelief. Winston's phone goes off. He snatches it up.)_

**Winston **

Alright, alright. Time for Winston to bring the house down.

_(Jess and Nick again stare blankly.)_

Don't judge me.

_(Winston swallows and leaves the bar. Jess shakes her head before looking up at Nick, smiling.)_

**Nick**

Who are these people we live with?

**Jess**

_(Laughs and smiles.)_

Your friends, man. I just needed a place to live.

**Nick**

Well, I'm off in 15.

**Jess**

What should we do?

**Nick**

Well. It sounds like we should have the loft to ourselves.

**Jess**

Oh yeah?

**Nick**

Yeah.

_(Smiling devilishly.)_

And I've got a pretty good idea of how to...

_(He winks.)_

...pass the time.

_(Jess smiles back.)_

**Jess**

Sounds good to me. Just... you know... let's not wink anymore.

**Nick**

Done.

_[Interior, loft. The door slowly swings open as Nick and Jess come tumbling in, making out heavily, arms running over each other's bodies, hands running through each other's hair. Nick kicks the door closed behind him as Jess starts to unbutton his shirt.]_

**Nick **

_(Between kisses.)_

Your room or mine?

**Jess**

Really, Nick?

**Nick**

Your room, got it.

_(They continue mauling each other, slowly spinning their way towards Jess' room. Suddenly they stop as a noise interrupts them.)_

**Winston**

Ahem!

**Jess**

Winston!

**Nick**

_(Clumsily buttoning his shirt.)_

Hey, hey pal. What, what are you doing here?

**Winston**

Well, when I actually got ahold of Daisy, it turned out her flight had been delayed.

**Jess**

Oh, sorry Winston. That sucks.

**Nick**

Yeah man. I know you were looking forward to it.

_(Nick pauses.)_

Anyway, we're going to go do stuff now. We'll try to keep it down.

**Winston**

Actually, it's good news really. Her flight's been delayed by 2 hours, but she's got the rest of the night free.

**Jess**

Oh, nice!

**Nick**

_(Putting his arm around Jess' shoulders, pulling her gently towards her room.)_

Good stuff, pal. Splendid news. Anyway...

**Winston**

Well, that's the thing.

**Nick**

What? What's the thing? There's no thing.

_(Jess softly smacks Nick's shoulder.)_

**Jess**

What's going on, Winston?

**Winston**

Well... since you ask. As we were trying to figure out what to do tonight, it suddenly occurred to me. We've had this... thing... going on for like...seven months now. Seven months, and we've never been on a real date.

**Nick**

Oh, no.

**Jess**

Where is this going?

**Winston**

So, she's coming for dinner. Tonight. She'll be here at 9. For a date. A dinner date.

**Jess**

Oh, well that sounds...

**Winston**

...a double dinner date. With you two. And, you know, me... of course.

_(Jess slowly nods her head as Nick rubs his temples and contains his frustration.)_

**Jess**

Oh... well... that's... fun?

**Winston**

Yeah. I mean, I think it will be.

**Jess**

Okay... so 9. That's plenty of time to get ready. This will be fun. We can just tidy up a bit, maybe take a quick shower.

**Winston**

Yeah, so there's just one small thing.

**Nick**

Here it comes.

**Jess**

Shh, Nick. What's up Winston?

**Winston**

Well, I'm not really much of a cook, so I was hoping you could... help a brother out?

**Nick **

You're seriously asking Jess to cook for your last minute double date? Like she doesn't...

**Winston**

Well, I see where you're going. And I come to the table willing to barter.

**Jess**

What do you got?

**Winston **

What I have... is the ability… to disappear.

**Nick**

Don't fall for it, Jess. He's tried to sell me on his magic before. It's not real. He's not magic, not even a little.

**Winston**

What I have is the ability to disappear from this loft. To disappear from this loft... at your whim.

**Nick**

Oh. Oh, I see what he did there.

**Jess**

How often would you be willing to... disappear?

**Winston **

Oh, I dunno. At least two to three time-

**Jess**

Six.

_(Nick smiles and nods approvingly.)_

Six minimum. Eight if things go... swimmingly.

**Nick**

Sounds fair.

**Winston**

Six?

_(Sighs.)_

You drive a hard bargain, Jessica Day. But you have yourself a deal.

_(Jess smiles brightly and turns to Nick.)_

**Jess**

Seems like a good trade. Come on sous chef. Let's get to work

**Nick**

Nice. Wait... what?

_(Jess walks to the stove where she sees a pot boiling away.)_

**Jess**

Okay, I see you've got something going on. What do we have here?

**Winston**

Well, see, that's the thing.

_(Jess lifts the lid and peers into the pot.)_

**Jess**

Oh... Eggs. One, two, three... eleven. Eleven eggs.

_(She turns off the stove, replaces the lid, and looks at Winston.)_

Eleven hardboiled eggs? Really?

**Winston**

What? I know my limitations.

_[Ext. Elizabeth's porch. Schmidt nervously paces for a few moments before stopping, taking a deep breath, and knocking on the door. After a bit, the door opens and Elizabeth pops her head out.]_

**Elizabeth**

Schmidt?

**Schmidt**

Elizabeth, hey. Uh…

_(He laughs nervously.)_

…long time no see.

**Elizabeth**

Thirteen days, to be exact. What do you want, Schmidt?

**Schmidt**

Look, Elizabeth. I'm sorry.

**Elizabeth**

You're sorry? It's been thirteen days. Fifteen days and not a word.

**Schmidt**

Elizabeth, I know. I...

**Elizabeth**

What, did you and Cece take full advantage of her honeymoon or something? You know, you didn't have to do this in person.

_(Elizabeth goes to shut the door.)_

**Schmidt**

No, nothing like that. I haven't talked to her, either.

_(Elizabeth stops and listens.)_

And besides, I wouldn't trust that little British man to plan a honeymoon. Probably had something positively gauche all lined up Like a weekend at Euro Disney or something like that.

**Elizabeth**

Then what took so long, Schmidt?

**Schmidt**

_(Pauses and breathes deeply.)_

I didn't ask for this. I didn't want this. And this choice? This isn't easy.

**Elizabeth **

Spit it out, Schmidt.

**Schmidt**

Look, can we just go inside? I feel eyes on me, I can't do this with eyes on me.

_(Schmidt gently pushes the door open. As is slowly swings wide, it is revealed that Elizabeth's house is full of freshly packed moving boxes. Schmidt is shocked.)_

What is this?

**Elizabeth**

I got a promotion, Schmidt. A big one. A lot more money. You'd appreciate that.

**Schmidt**

But...

**Elizabeth**

It had been two weeks, Schmidt. I care about you. I wanted to be with you. But...

_(Elizabeth looks sorrowfully at Schmidt, who is still stunned.)_

**Schmidt**

Well, where... where is this job.

**Elizabeth**

Boston

**Schmidt**

Boston?

**Elizabeth**

Look, Schmidt. I know this was hard for you, and I know you didn't ask for it. But two weeks?

_(Schmidt just looks down, ashamed.)_

I deserved an answer, Schmidt. I deserved to not be left to dangle while you decided _our_ future.

_(Elizabeth reaches behind her and grabs the door handle, pulling the door towards her.)_

And now you don't have to. I've made a decision of my own.

**Schmidt**

But...

**Elizabeth**

No buts, Schmidt. If you really wanted me, you would've come sooner.

_(Elizabeth's eyes start to well up, but she stubbornly forces them not to. She quickly steps out on the porch and, without looking at him, gives him a kiss on the cheek.)_

**Elizabeth**

Goodbye, Big Guy.

_(She quickly closes the door behind her as Schmidt looks on, shocked. We hear the door lock behind her as Schmidt slowly turns away.)_

**Schmidt**

Goodbye, Elizabeth.

_[Int., Loft. Nick sits at the island, having changed into a grey button down that he leaves untucked over dark pants. Jess has changed as well, with a white apron over a navy dress with traces of red in the seams. She is busy behind the island, finishing up the dinner. ]_

**Nick**

I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

**Jess**

It's fine. This recipe just didn't call for anything to be microwaved.

**Nick**

And that's a good thing?

_(Jess ignores Nick's joke, and continues with the dinner. Winston walks in, head to toe in black.)_

**Winston**

Guys, I want to thank you again. Especially you, Jess. I owe you one.

**Jess**

You owe me six to eight, actually. But it's okay. I can't believe it's been seven months and you haven't been on a date yet.

**Nick**

You know, technically, we…

_[A knock at the door interrupts Nick. Winston excitedly starts smoothing his shirt, hair and eyebrows as he moves to the door.]_

**Winston**

How do I look?

**Nick **

I never know how to answer that.

_(As Winston moves to the door, we stay with Nick and Jess at the kitchen island.)_

**Jess**

Hey, Nick?

**Nick**

What's up?

**Jess**

Just a minute ago, you started to say something? What were…?

_(Winston arrives with Daisy, who is surprisingly dressed in pink sweatsuit.)_

**Winston**

Hey… you guys remember Daisy, right?

**Daisy**

Nice to meet you.

_(Nick, Jess, and Winston look a little confused.)_

**Winston**

Ha. You remember Nick and Jess, right? The night we met?

**Daisy**

Oh sure.

_(Looking around.)_

This is a really nice place… so much space. How come we've never hung out here before?

**Winston**

_(Still confused.)_

You've… been here before. The night we met?

(_Daisy looks back blankly.)_

Strip True American? Nick almost jumped off the ledge?

**Nick**

I wasn't going to jump. I was just…

(_Looking at Jess.)_

Stupidly fleeing confrontation…

**Daisy**

I dunno. Kind of rings a bell. Do you mind if I use the restroom?

**Winston**

_(Still wearing a confused look)_

Yeah, here. I'll show you. Two urinals, you don't see that every day. You must remember that.

(_Winston guides Daisy towards the restroom, again leaving Nick and Jess at the island.)_

**Nick**

Well. Guess we don't make much of a first impression.

**Jess**

Yeah, what is that about? You were wearing women's clothing and you almost fell off the side of the building.

**Nick**

And you were wearing a red tutu and a… well… just a fantastic bra.

**Jess**

I'm not sure she noticed that part.

**Nick**

Her loss.

_(Winston comes back to the island without Daisy.)_

**Winston**

She doesn't remember any of this. I know she was only here the one time, but still.

**Nick**

It is a little odd.

**Jess**

Eh, don't sweat it Winston. She was probably just really, really drunk that night.

_(She steals a sly look at Nick.)_

I mean, it was a pretty crazy night.

**Winston**

Yeah, maybe you're right. That and it's been a while, and she travels so much. You're probably right.

**Jess**

Yeah. Well, soups on, let's get everything to the table.

_(Nick, Jess, and Winston start setting and moving the food to the table. Nick grabs some glasses and some wine and begins to poor at the island.)_

**Winston**

This looks really good, Jess. What's on the menu?

**Jess**

Well, I wasn't sure if Daisy was a vegetarian, so I just made a quick mushroom risotto, a side of steamed asparagus, and a kale/spinach salad with onion and radish on the side.

**Winston**

Well if it tastes as good as it looks and smell, I might just be owing you 8 'disappearances' after all.

_(Daisy walks in the room, joining the others near the table.)_

**Daisy**

Smells great. Thanks for having me.

**Winston**

Have a seat, Daisy. White wine or red?

**Daisy**

I'll have whatever, doesn't matter to me.

_(Nick sets the glasses on the table and every on takes their seats, Nick and Jess on one side, Daisy and Winston on the other. Winston raises a glass to toast.)_

**Winston**

Well, here's to good food, good friends, and our first real date.

**Nick**

Cheers.

**Jess**

Cheers.

**Daisy**

This isn't our first date.

**Winston**

Well, you know, I mean our first 'date' date. Obviously we've had…

_(Daisy looks on expectantly.)_

.. Excursions of a different… variety. Let me get you some of that risotto.

**Daisy**

No, no we've been on dates before.

_(Winston looks confused, Nick and Jess look on.)_

**Winston**

Not really…

**Daisy**

This risotto is amazing. But how did you get Giovanni's to deliver?

**Jess**

Well, thank you for the compliment! That's so sweet?

_(Jess, Nick, and Winston just smile on.)_

**Daisy**

No, but really. How did you get them to deliver? I love their calamari, and I would probably order it every time I'm in the city if they could just pop it up to my hotel room.

**Jess**

Oh, okay. No, I didn't order this from a restaurant. I actually just made this myself. Glad you like it, though?

**Daisy**

Wow, you are really good. Giovanni's just got written up on the list of San Diego's best restaurants. You should be a chef.

_(Nick and Jess share a quick, worried glance.)_

**Nick**

Wait, San Diego…

**Winston**

Yep Yep, Jess is quite the little cook. You got yourself a good woman there, Nick.

**Daisy**

Oh, you two are dating? Good for you. You guys are so much more laid back than his old roommates.

**Jess**

His... old roommates?

**Daisy**

Yeah, you know. The bald guy with the face tattoo, and his girlfriend with all the rings in her face. They were always so loud, and arguing about money.

_(Nick puts down his wine and stares blankly along with a very, very confused Jess.)_

**Winston**

Daisy, I've never lived…

**Daisy **

Now that was a double date from hell, remember?

_(Winston just stares.)_

Yeah, we went down to the Pirates Cove to see his roommate's death metal band play. There were only, like 15 people there, which wasn't too surprising. They were so weak. He started swinging his guitar around until he accidentally slipped and knocked himself out. So funny.

**Winston**

What the…

**Daisy**

And then his girlfriend was all trying to give him mouth to mouth, but she was doing it wrong. I tried to show her the right way, but then she wanted to fight me. I had to take that bitch down, and then give CPR to hr idiot boyfriend. So yeah, I'm so glad he found you guys. You seem much more chill.

**Nick**

Sounds like!

**Jess**

I can only imagine.

_(Winston looks wild eyed at Nick and Jess while he processes what he just heard. He motions to the kitchen.)_

**Winston**

Hey, Daisy, I'm just going to give Nick and Jess a hand in the kitchen real quick. I'll be right back.

**Daisy**

Sure thing!

_(Jess and Nick awkwardly get up and slowly move to into the kitchen area.)_

**Nick**

Smooth move, Jack Tripper. What could we possibly be doing that would take three people?

**Jess**

To be fair, she doesn't seem to notice.

_(She motions towards Daisy, who is eating with one hand while tapping away at her smart phone with the other.)_

**Winston**

So, uh, yeah. None of that stuff with face tattoos and death metal concerts has anything to do with me.

**Nick**

Get out.

**Jess**

You don't say.

**Winston**

I don't understand. All we've ever done is meet at her apartment or at the hotel near the airport. It's only been seven months… what is she talking about.

**Jess**

I don't know.

**Nic**

Maybe she's got you confused with someone else.

**Winston**

Come again?

**Nick **

I don't know, maybe she's….you know… crazy?

**Jess**

Nick.

**Winston**

I've known this woman for 7 months. She's not crazy.

**Jess**

Well how well do you know her really? You said yourself it's basically been a sex only relationship.

**Nick**

Yeah, I'd say she shows some fairly common signs of being a sociopath.

**Winston**

What?

**Jess **

Come on, Nick. Settle down.

**Nick**

No, I'm serious. Sociopaths are typically charming, likable, and can have an unquenchable sexual appetite.

_(Jess and Winston look at Nick, both skeptical and surprised.)_

**Nick **

What? I majored in Psychology for half a semester.

**Jess**

I thought you were a prelaw major?

**Winston**

Schmidt told me it was Communication.

**Nick**

So? I also majored in Creative Writing and Hotel Management for a while, too.

_(Winston and Jess just stare.)_

What? I dabbled.

**Jess**

You dabbled?

**Winston**

Well, you're wrong.

_(He starts going back to the table to rejoin Daisy.)_

When's the last time you used anything you learned in college anyway.

_(Nick and Jess follow Winston to the table.)_

**Nick**

I just did!

**Jess**

Shh.

_(As they take their seats they all look cautiously at Daisy.)_

**Winston**

So. Back at the table.

_(Daisy just looks up and smiles as everyone else picks at their food. Daisy's phone pings off, and she looks apologetic and picks it up off the table.)_

**Daisy**

I'm sorry, it's Javier. I told him not to text for at least another hour.

**Winston**

Javier?

**Daisy**

Yeah, Javier. I said an hour.

**Winston**

An hour?

**Daisy**

Oh, I'm sorry. Is this going to take longer?

**Winston**

I'm confused…

**Daisy**

I though we talked about this. Javier is going to be our fifth tonight.

_(Jess chokes on her wine mid-sip as Nick spits out a mouthful of risotto. Daisy observes their reaction with mild curiosity.)_

Should I tell him two hours?

**Winston**

Our 'fifth'? What does, what is a 'fifth'?

_(Daisy starts pointing to everyone at the table and counts.)_

**Daisy**

One, two, three, four… and Javier makes five. Fifth.

**Nick **

Technically, she's not wrong.

**Winston**

Okay, that's what I thought. Um, Daisy, we should probably talk… privately.

**Daisy**

Oh crap, did you not like Javier?

**Winston**

Did I not…

**Daisy**

He came very well regarded. One of the most sought after companions in greater San Diego.

**Jess**

San Diego?

Nick

You know we're in Los Angeles, right?

_(Daisy just sits quietly, slowly realizing her error. Winston buries his head in his arms as Jess reaches across the table and supportively pats his shoulder.)_

**Daisy**

Well, crap. I've done it again. What day is today?

**Nick**

Friday.

**Daisy**

Yep, that's my bad. Wrong day, wrong crew.

_(Everyone sits quietly, everyone still except for Daisy, who fumbles with her phone and sips at her wine.)_

I think I know the answer to this, but are you guys interested in Javier's services this evening.

**Jess**

Nope. Absolutely not.

**Winston**

(Muffled.)

Yeah, Daisy, I'm gonna go ahead and call you a cab. Then I'll walk you downstairs and throw myself in front of it as it arrives. Sound good? Great.

**Daisy**

This sort of thing wouldn't happen if I were just better at updating my Outlook.

_[Int., the doorway of Cece's apartment. Schmidt paces nervously in front of the door. He takes a deep breath, slips the box into his jacket pocket, and knocks on the door. After a moment, Cece answers, wearing blue jeans and a black tank top.]_

**Cece**

Schmidt?

**Schmidt**

Hey, Cece. I… uh… we need to talk.

**Cece**

Yeah, yeah we do. Come in.

_(Schmidt enters and Cece closes the door behind them. The make their way to the couch and sit, facing each other.)_

**Schmidt**

I guess I'll just get straight to it then. Look, Cece. I thought we were done. Finished. I thought you were marrying someone else. And I reconnected with Elizabeth. Genuinely. She made me remember a few things about my old self… who I used to be.

**Cece**

Look, Schmidt…

**Schmidt**

And when you said those things at the wedding, I couldn't believe it. I just… couldn't. But I had Elizabeth, and she just means… so much to me. And then you mean so much to me. And then I had to choose, and I just, I couldn't. I needed…

**Cece**

Two weeks?

**Schmidt**

No. Well, yes. But no. I needed to evaluate some things. Figure some things out. And now, I have. It hasn't been easy. It's been horrible. To be asked to make a decision like this…

**Cece**

Stop Schmidt.

**Schmidt**

But I…

**Cece**

I'm going to make it real, real easy on you, Schmidt. It's been two weeks. Even if you 'choose me', it took you two weeks. What is that?

**Schmidt**

I don't…

**Cece**

Two weeks is too long, Schmidt. If you truly wanted me, it wouldn't have taken so long.

_(Schmidt swallows hard as Cece stands up, her eyes starting to water.)_

And maybe that's not your fault. Maybe all of this is a mistake. I mean, I've clearly not been making great decisions lately. I almost married someone I didn't love, for crying out loud. And worse, I almost convinced myself that that was okay.

**Schmidt**

What are you…?

**Cece**

You're off the hook, Schmidt. You don't have to choose, because I choose for you. I need to… I dunno… figure some things out.

**Schmidt**

Cece, what are you saying.

**Cece**

Choose Elizabeth, Schmidt. Do yourself… and me… a favor and just choose Elizabeth.

_(Cece slowly walks to the door and opens it.)_

I think we can get past this, Schmidt. At least enough to… I think we can be friends again. But right now, I just need you to leave.

_(Schmidt gets up as though in a trance and walks to the door, then into the hallway. He slowly turns and faces Cece.)_

**Schmidt**

Cece, look, I think you should know…

**Cece**

I don't need to know anything, Schmidt, but I need say goodnight.

_(Cece's eyes are still watering, but she forces a smile.)_

I'll see you around, Schmidt.

_(She slowly closes the door as Schmidt is left standing in the hallway, dumbfounded.)_

_[Int., loft. Nick and Jess sit at the table, still eating dinner. They seem content. Winston enters the loft and closes the door behind him.)_

**Nick **

Hey, buddy.

**Jess**

You okay, Winston?

**Winston**

Yeah, I'll be fine. Turns out Daisy's been seeing a different guy in every city she visits frequently.

**Jess**

Oh my God.

**Winston**

Well, we never set rules or anything. Still… she travels, like… a lot.

**Nick**

I'm sorry man.

**Winston**

Apparently, she was seeing a guy in San Diego named Wilfred. And Wilfred liked to get weird. Hence heavy metals shows, face tattoos, all the talk of San Diego, and … Javier.

**Jess**

That sucks, Winston.

**Winston**

Yes. Yes it does. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go to bed. For about two to four weeks.

_(Winston smiles sadly and heads towards his room.)_

**Jess**

Can you believe that? Poor Winston!

**Nick**

That is an alarming level of suck, right there.

**Jess**

I know, right? I can't believe I cooked for that girl. What a waste.

**Nick**

Well, I wouldn't call it a total waste.

_(Nick reaches out and grabs Jess' hand, causing her to smile.)_

**Jess**

Oh?

**Nick**

Jess, I know it's only been two weeks, and I know this isn't what you would call a traditional relationship…

**Jess**

True story.

**Nick**

…but, before tonight, we hadn't really gone on a date either.

_(Jess' smile deepens and she bashfully starts to blush.)_

Well, if you don't count the night I dropped a grand on jaywalking tickets. Which I don't.

_(Jess lets out a small giggle as Nick gets up.)_

Nick

Hang on a sec, I just wanna….

(_Nick walks to the shelf near the dining room table and pulls two long candles out. He reaches toward the wall with one hand and lowers the dimmer on the lights over the table. He places the candles on the table, pulls a lighter out of his pocket and lights them before sitting back down.)_

**Jess**

Well aren't you full of surprises.

**Nick**

I do what I can.

**Jess**

So, Nick Miller. Now that we're on our first real date, what say you lay some sweet game on me?

**Nick**

Sweet game, Jess? What in our history indicates that I have the capability of laying 'sweet game'?

**Jess**

I think you sell yourself short. Give it a shot.

**Nick**

Give it a shot?

**Jess**

Yeah.

_(She exaggeratedly bats her eyes.)_

For me?

**Nick**

_(Smiles, giving in.)_

Well, you asked for it. Ahem. Hey, pretty girl, I really like… your face.

**Jess**

My face?

**Nick **

Your dress is really pretty. My mom used to have one just….

**Jess**

Your mom?

**Nick**

Dammit. Uh… say…. Has anyone ever told you have really pretty eyes?

_(Jess can't help but let a giggle escape.)_

**Jess**

I'm sorry, Nick, it's just…

**Nick**

Yeah, yeah. Of course you've been told that.

_(He smiles and takes a breath.)_

But I do think all that. I do like your face, and you do have… just… the prettiest eyes.

**Jess**

There might be hope for you yet, Nick Miller.

**Nick**

I think I may need a little positive reinforcement.

(_Jess gets up and slides over to Nick and sits in his lap, her arms around his neck.)_

**Jess**

More psych terminology?

**Nick**

One half semester, Jess. I'm am just lousy with Psych 101.

_(Jess smiles and leans in for a kiss. She pulls away briefly, and leans back in for another. Just then, the front door opens and a clearly preoccupied Schmidt walks in.)_

**Schmidt**

Sorry, guys.

_(He starts to walk over to his room.)_

**Nick**

Hey.

**Jess**

You okay, Schmidt? What happened?

_(Schmidt shakes his head for a second and seems to snap out of his funk a bit. He rouses up some false bravado, and smiles.)_

**Schmidt**

Yeah, I'm fine. Just…

**Nick**

What's up?

**Schmidt**

Well, Elizabeth is moving.

**Jess**

What?

**Schmidt**

Yeah. Elizabeth is moving and Cece needs to find herself or some crap, so… Good news. Schmitty is back. You guys might want to soundproof your rooms, because I am about to be knee deep in hottest of young ladies.

**Jess**

Schmidt, knock it off. What is going on?

**Schmidt**

Sorry, Jess. Truth is, I had a good thing with Elizabeth. She was my girlfriend before Cece ran out on her wedding. It didn't seem fair to just ditch out on that. So I chose Elizabeth.

**Nick**

I thought you said she was moving?

**Schmidt**

Oh, she is. To Boston. It's the job of a lifetime. Didn't feel right asking her to stay.

**Jess**

Schmidt…

**Schmidt**

Maybe it's for the best, though. This whole thing was getting too stressful. Maybe I need to keep it casual for a bit.

**Jess**

What happened with Cece?

**Schmidt**

You don't have to worry about her, Jess. She didn't want me to pick her anyway. She's got her own things to work out.

_(Jess gets up and starts to head to her room)_

**Jess**

I… I have to call her… excuse me.

**Schmidt**

We're on the same page, Jess. Don't worry.

_(Jess heads down the hall as Schmidt pours himself a glass of wine.)_

So… the old Schmidt's back, Nick. Get ready for just a parade of the loveliest of lovelies.

**Nick**

Schmidt, stop it.

**Schmidt**

What do you…?

**Nick**

I've known you ten years, Schmidt, I know when you're full of it.

_(Schmidt takes a sip of wine, swishes it around his mouth and spits it back into his glass.)_

**Schmidt**

Nick, you really need to do us all a favor and break Jess of her Rose habit. This is hardly a step up from Kool-Aid.

**Nick**

Come on, Schmidt.

_(Schmidt sets down his glass. The smug look leaves his face and he peers down the hall towards Jess' room.)_

**Schmidt**

Okay fine. But you can't tell anyone. Not Jess, not Winston, not anybody.

**Nick **

What is going on Schmidt?

**Schmidt**

Nick, promise.

**Nick**

Fine, I promise. What is going on?

**Schmidt**

Okay, look. I was going to pick Cece. I went to break it off with Elizabeth, and she'd already taken a job in Boston. That is 100% true.

**Nick**

Okay…

**Schmidt**

And then I went to Cece's. And she…. She just doesn't want to be with me, okay?

**Nick**

What did she…?

**Schmidt**

She actually had some valid points, and she got me to thinking. Nick, Cece and I… it's never been easy. And it was never going to be easy. I went over there expecting to ask her to be with me, but...

_(Schmidt pauses, and just shakes his head.)_

Point is… I don't think I can be trusted to know what I want. Let alone what I need. And I definitely don't want to drag Cece down with me while I figure it out. So, again Nick, I'm asking you not to tell anyone. As far as everyone else knows, I picked Elizabeth. Okay

**Nick**

Schmidt, are you sure? Are you sure this is what you want? Can't you just talk to….

_(Down the hall, Jess' door opens, she steps out and slowly walks towards them.)_

**Schmidt**

Yes Nick. Please. Not a word.

**Nick**

_(Hesitantly, just before Jess arrives.)_

Okay, then.

**Jess**

Just talked to Cece. I'm sorry, Schmidt.

**Schmidt**

It's fine, Jess. You had to check on your best friend. Anyway, I'm going to hit the hay. It's… it's been a long day.

**Jess**

Goodnight Schmidt. And… I am sorry… about Elizabeth.

_(Schmidt smiles weakly, enters his room, and closes the door behind him. Jess turns to face Nick.)_

**Jess**

I feel so bad.

**Nick**

How did Cece sound?

**Jess**

She didn't sound… excited… but she didn't sound too bad. More tired than anything.

**Nick**

Yeah?

**Jess**

Yeah.

_(Jess looks over the dining room table and notes the dishes and leftover food. She picks up a napkin from the table.)_

Well, we should probably get this cleaned up.

**Nick**

Sorry our first date didn't… sorry it wasn't… ideal.

**Jess**

Oh Nick, when is anything in life ideal.

_(Nick grabs her arm and gently turns her to face him.)_

**Nick**

Jess, one of these days we're going to have a date. And it's going to be ideal.

_(He stoops down, gives her a slight lift, pulls her to her tip-toes, and gives her a long, long kiss. After they break the embrace, Jess just looks up at him, smiling.)_

**Jess**

You know, I think the dishes can wait.

**Nick**

That's always been my philosophy.

_(Jess lets out a giggle as Nick puts his arm around her and they start heading off towards their rooms.)_

So… question of the night. Your room or mine?

**Jess**

Oh, Nick. You're so funny.

_(They stop in between their rooms, and face each other. Jess again pops up on her toes, puts her arm around Nick's neck and kisses him for a few seconds before pulling him into her room. We hear Jess giggle as the door closes shut.)_

**_End_**


End file.
